1st World Poke-Problems
by Kream45
Summary: Ash goes to PokeMart to buy PokeCondoms. He wants to get a piece of his Gardevoir. But, due to PETA's new regulations, his plans fall apart, and he's forced to use his hand instead, which he's never done before. Will he succeed?
1. Terrible News

Ash walked out of his house and headed towards a local PokeMart. His mood was great, because his Gardevoir gave him a seductive look this morning, and since Ash was a one horny motherfucker, he couldn't give up on such an opportunity to make use of his dong.

When he was about to enter the store, he saw Garry walking out in rage.

„Hey Garry what's up?" he asked his rival, „Why are you so furious?"

Garry looked at Ash with anger in his eyes.

„Well, there is this fucking atrocious organization called PETA, and they've just ruined my life. My life has no point now!"

„Whoa, it's that bad?"Ash asked him, worried, „I remember the last time they interfered in our hobby, we ended up having to buy these expensive PokeCondoms."

„Oh, so that's why you're here." Garry said and got sad, „Actually, what else would you be here for... Well, go inside and ask the shopkeeper what's going on."

Ash entered the store and talked to the guy behind the counter.

„Oh, if it isn't our famous fuck-boi Ash Ketchup!" said the shopkeeper, whose name was Gae, „I saw you talking to Garry outside. Did he share the bad news with ya?"

„Hi m8, he only told me that shit has gone really bad. Please, tell me what's going on. Hit me with the news, I can withstand a lot."

„Well, better sit down."Gae said and Ash sat on a chair, really scared of what he was about to hear, „As you know, last year PETA forced everyone to buy expensive PokeCondoms when they want to have a very hot sexual intercourse with their Pokemons."

„Yes, I know. I had to give up on drugs to be able to afford those condoms."

„For me it was a very lucrative deal, to be honest. After all, part of the money goes to me."

He got up and approached the window, looking through it, dramatically.

„But no more."

„What? Tell me, what's going on?!"

„Ash..."

Gae took a deep breath and said:

„After the latest SJWs' protests on the internet, PETA took a step forward in their regulations."

„What did they do?"

„Ash: they prohibited Human/Pokemon intercourse!"

At this moment, the life of Ash fell apart, and the boy lost the only joy he had in his life.

 _Will Ash get his shit together? Or will he hide in a corner and cry like a little bitch?! Find out soon, motherfucker!_

 _PS: The usage of PETA's name is solely for comedic purposes and NOT for insulting the organization. In other words, don't sue me, bitches._


	2. Faptrix

„U FOKIN W0T M8?!" Ash screamed, „This is the end! What is life anymore?!"

Gae thought for a moment, and then came up with something.

„I've got an idea." He said, „It's our last hope for not getting crazy."

„What is that?"

„We must master the secret art of masturbation."

„What is that?"

„Long time ago, when ancient people were so savage that they would hunt Pokemon and eat them, men would always go for hunting and be gone for weeks."

„Yeah, so what?"

„Only men could hunt, so women stayed in their homes. Men had to find a way to satisfy themselves without women."

„And they came up with masturbation?"

„Yes. They would grab their dicks and stoke up and down, slamming their hands against their balls."

„Whoa, it's sounds so innovative for ancient times!"

„Masturbating causes the 'fap' sound to be made, that's why it's also called 'fapping'."

„But is it forbidden to fap nowadays?"

„No, fortunately. It's also very practical, you can fap wherever you want and don't need anyone else. BUT!"

„But what?"

„The effect is not as good as normal sex. And, for better experience, you should either watch porn while fapping, or imagine yourself fucking someone."

„Oh shit, that will take a lot of practice."

„I know, but what other choice we have?"

„Some people make sex with other humans."

„That's so fucking low, mate..."

„Yeah, really lame."

And then Ash went to his house, with the secret knowledge required to fap wildly all night.

But, when he entered his room, it turned out that he's too scared.

„Oh my god, what if it doesn't work?" he started to panic.

But then he took a deep breath and calmed down.

He sat on his chair, unzipped his pants and started thinking of something.

„Come on, what really turns me on?" he thought.

But then he remembered that hot steamy sex he had when Garry and Brock invited him for a gangbang with Garry's Roselia.

He started fapping, and when it started to feel good, he increased his pace, and clenched his teeth.

He fapped, he fapped and he fapped, and when he noticed that he was about to finish, he ran to his window and shot a white sticky liquid outside.

„Oh my god!" he said, breathing heavily, „It wasn't so bad!"

And then he fapped a couple more times that day. The next day, he got up, fapped in his bed, went to his bathroom and fapped while spraying shower water on his balls and asshole, and then he went to eat cereal, fapped afterwards, went shopping, fapped in the shop, returned home, fapped...

Then he turned on his TV and was about to fap again, when the PokeNews channel launched.

„Good day to you, our viewers!" some lady said in the TV, „After yesterday's new PETA regulation, many people was stripped of their rights to have sex with their Pokemon."

„Fucking PETA..." Ash said to himself, „At least I still have my hand."

„Most people killed themselves, but some started masturbating. But, the goverment is worried about the people who fap, because they fap too wildly and too often, causing mass chaos on the streets. Just so you know, yesterday evening, there were dozens if people fapping on the main street in our capital city, which caused mass traffic and paralised the entire city for whole night."

„Oh damn."Ash thought, „I didn't know so many people fapped."

„And here comes the big new: the goverment just this morning banned fapping. No excuses or exceptions."

At that moment, the life of Ash fell apart, and...

Wait a second...

Why does he have to listen to what other people say? It was HIS life, not theirs! Fuck the goverment! Fuck PETA! Ash can have sex with whoever he wants, and he can fap whenever he wants!"

He made an event page on Facebook and called it „Mass Pokemon/Human sex and fapping in the capital".

In just an hour, he had almost 50k people participating and over 420k people interested. People said they would come from other cities just to help the cause, and many stated they would stream themselves fapping/fucking on Twitch, YouTube and other shitty sites.

When it was evening, the meeting took place.

Over 120 thousand people gathered on the capital's town square and released their Pokemon and started enganing in sexual intercourses. Some didn't have any Pokemon to fuck with, so they just fapped on others' Pokemon, some had sex AND fapped.

The goverment saw this and couldn't help themselves, they joined the crowd and did the same.

At this moment, PETA didn't have shit to say, because the goverment realised what joy bring sex and fapping, so the whole organization was disbanded.

And this is how Ash became the biggest pimp in Kanto, Johto and every other region.

 **THE END**

 _Hope you enjoyed the story. If you did, like and share it with your friends who have similiar fucked-up sense of humor as you. Oh, and if you got hard while reading, by the unwritten law of fappers, you are obligated to write a review, kek_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
